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...that was the girl I used to be
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| "what really matters is that, nothing is ever 'in and of itself.'" |
[22 May 2007|09:50pm] |
so. boredom strikes. and i'm playing this nifty new game that some girl in French class talked about, where you go on wikipedia, and no matter what you search, just clicking on different links will bring you back to the entry for Jesus Christ. dskfjslfjdsl. Let's see if it works.
1. TV on the Radio
2. David Bowie
3. Philosophy
4. Christian Existentialism
5. Jesus Christ
...trippy.
1. Poodle
2. Europe
3. Christianity
4. Jesus Christ
1. Michelle Kwan
2. California
3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
4. Jesus Christ
1. Graffiti
2. Public art
3. Monuments
4. Church monuments
5. DEAD END. ahh. oh no. oh no.
after all of this, i think it' s safe to say:
jesus christ, katie needs to get a liffeeee.
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[09 Jan 2007|07:31pm] |
a little sympathy would be nice mother.
ouchy legs are no warrant for name-calling.
and furthermore, i find it highly depressing that score, starbuck's, sway, happy trails, sumbody, julie's coffee and tea, and books inc all have no room in their heart to employ little miss katie.
and further furthermore, my shyness disgusts myself. because it would be nice. to have someone. and i recognize that initative is the first step to getting this person. but i cannot set myself up to be hurt. blah. and i cannot set myself up to get any sense of comfort from her, because that is not viable.
i'm bitter, and it's allright.
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[26 Dec 2006|11:04am] |
sometimes. i want to punch my computer screen until it breaks into a thousand shards of glass, while simultaneously plucking out my already-dismal hair.
i hate. this.
and yesterday was anything but christmas to me.
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[30 Oct 2006|08:41pm] |
I am tired of living vicariously through relationships in movies or on tv.
it is pathetic.
and tiring.
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[27 Oct 2006|11:39pm] |
the reason why i'm pissed is because time is never made for me anymore except in these false occurrences that are used to evade trouble.
the other reason why i'm pissed is that there was no common courtesy of calling.
i am just out of sight out of mind.
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[04 Nov 2005|03:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
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I haven't updated this thing in forever, mainly because, I'm sure none of you really care to hear me complain about everything. But seeing as I am depressed and it is three in the morning, I don't care.
My race today (err yesterday) did not go well whatsoever. That's just dandy.
My grades are upsetting me tremendously.
As usual, I do not have a good relationship with either of my parents.
And as of late, I truly feel like I don't fit in. I don't feel like I have that many friends. Or people to do things with. Today is Friday. I would be happy and looking forward to the weekend like everyone else if only I knew that people would call me and want to see me have some reassurance that I am not the third, or seventh, wheel. Because it certainly fricking feels that way.
It also feels as though if everything is fine for someone, they certainly don't have the time to worry about me.
I just don't feel like existing right now.
Nothing is going my way.
And oh.
I have a crush.
On someone. Who barely knows I exist.
Let's see how obsessed over this I will become so that when it becomes clear that nothing can ever happened I will go into full-blown drama queen mode and want to drink a vat of mouthwash.
On the brightside, EPISODE 8 OF GILMORE GIRLS IS NEXT WEEK.
P.S. Adam Corolla...gone? = (
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[11 Oct 2005|06:28pm] |
So I have definitely been shirking on my live journal-ness lately. But oh well. I just haven't felt like updating. BUT I DO NOW!
Some days are so painfully difficult.
And I feel like I'm just moving through life slowly, with a few occasional happy moments.
But then some things happen. That make me genuinely smile.
Becka coming over last night unannounced made me smile. Watching Laguna Beach with her made me smile. Mr. Lamb letting me retake the math test was the highlight of my day. Oh my goodness, I do not deserve the kindness with which he treated me! I love that man. But seriously, how many teachers do you know who would say to a crying student "it's okay, just take it again tomorrow. I won't even look at this." Now if I could only master mathematical induction.
Anyhow.
The point is.
Sometimes I make things appear worse than they are.
But oh well.
Because sometimes, things just FEEL terrible and I feel like i'm moving nowhere .
I cannot wait for November 1 - RETURN OF JESS; oh em gee.
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[24 Apr 2005|09:13pm] |
Oh my goodness. Lately everyone has been bugging me. Everyone is so nice when they want to be. But then other cooler people come along and they suddenly have no time. It's annoying. I hate the feeling of being ignored.
I also need my own TV.
I cannot share this room with my dad! He just asked me, "Are you done with your work?" "Yes." Pause. "Really?" I'M NOT LYING. MY GOD!
I am going to go crazy!!! I SWEAR TO GOD.
And I am sick of school.
I'm sick of everything.
My fanfiction is coming along nicely! I am obsessed and I know it.
There isn't much to say.
Just that you can't rely on much of anything or anyone these days.
Bye.
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[12 Apr 2005|10:19pm] |
Wow.
My Catherine is probably moving on the 22nd.
I feel dumb.
If I would have known she would be leaving this year, I wouldn't have been busy all the time with school and everything.
I am dumb.
But I love her and want to see her soon.
I am going to try to play the guitar habitually.
I am also going to try to get a 4.1.
Summer is almost here.
Frick...
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| butterflies and bouncing boobies... |
[06 Apr 2005|08:00pm] |
Argh.
My legs are sore. And at the expense of nothing.
I feel so invaluable to the team with track.
I feel good at practice and then at races...I don't know what happens.
I am stressed about school.
It's such a comforting thought that after this one last quarter (which will happen in two days) I will be halfway through with high school.
I'm trying to get a job for the summer.
I am lonely.
= (
And I am desperately seeking a real-life Jess.
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[30 Mar 2005|11:29pm] |
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Gawd.
Milo Ventimiglia is my happy place.
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[06 Dec 2004|09:01pm] |
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that's right.
i'll have some "edited" entries, but as of now, it's friends only. i'm going through a really rough time and i would love to be able to actually right about it, or as well as i can on live journal.
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| i wanna steal your innocence |
[06 Dec 2004|06:56pm] |
i don't wanna think about you
but every day it's all that i do
you don't even know who i am...
gah. i hate him. he's so beautiful.
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| rise and shine, rub the sleep out of my eyes, and try to tell myself i can't go back to bed |
[05 Dec 2004|11:42am] |
I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
For one thing, I lost my key. So I can't go home until my parents are back and then they can yell at me for being irresponsible again. :(
On another note, EVERYTHING is going wrong.
Everyone's bothering me in some way or another. Certain people are being such bitches. They're mean to me and they know it too. Why am I always the emotional scape goat who everyone takes their bitchienss out on? Mainly because they know I won't defend myself, which I don't. Ugh. I hate the way I am.
Everyone's changing. I hate change. Let's examine the way everything was last year, with two best friends. Now I don't know who I am or who I have. I'm suddenly not a part of certain people's lives anymore, and it truly hurts me. Like crazy. I wish people would acknowledge me anymore. But they don't. And all I can wonder is when everything changed.
Other stuff pisses me off too.
I wish I could say it here, but I can't.
I hate how I never get any attention. I need attention too sometimes, you know. I never get it. What is it. Is it the boys here who are the problem?
I've decided I have anorexia of the overall appearance. I look in the mirror and see a grotesque person. But other people tell me it's not true. I just wish I could be like her...we'll keep her unnamed for the purpose of this live journal.
Some people never change.
Someone comment on this and tell me if I have changed.
And if I have, has it been for the better?
Who am I anymore?
I don't even know...
I'm glad that everyone is so concerned with how I feel *sarcasm*
that's right.
bye
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[03 Dec 2004|09:37pm] |
Wahoo.
My favorite part of Christmas is wrapping the presents, and now I actually have PRESENTS TO WRAP!
YAYYYYYYYYYY!
Tomorrow is shopping with Cassie and Jill, then Jill's party at night, and then even later on in the night is Becka's house as my parents are going to San Diego.
Today my self-esteem was boosted, because LeX did my pretty little eye makeup at lunch and everyone told me that my eyes looked pretty; they noticed it. It pleased me. <3 thank you lex
ERmm yeah there isn't much to say.
My feet are killing me.
I need to run soon.
I hate school.
Buh bye
OOH P.S. This morning Melissa and I talked before school because her better half was absent again, which was sad for her, but nice, because we talked. What a lovely way to start off my day!
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| and i kissed in a style clark gable would have admired... |
[01 Dec 2004|04:49pm] |
My body is giving me way too many problems! For one thing, my lips are chapped LIKE CRAZY. Not only does it look not all that appealing, but it hurts to smile. But that's okay, I'm not really in a mood to smile now anyways. The second problem pertains to my feet. I would love to go running today, but I have cuts and aches on the bottom of my feet. Both of them. I think I'll go anyways, and just be partially in pain. It's time to get my butt in gear for track.
So- my day. Much ADHD outbursts in AP Euro from me as well as others. I hope i don't get in trouble. :( Then I got to go to San Francisco for a field trip for journalism and it was cool, this reporter person had some O.C. Chrismukkah holiday cards, so I got some. I'm going to give them to all my cross-bred Jewish/Christian friends. (Cough cough Becka.)
I have a guitar lesson tonight. It sucks. If I don't start understanding math in the near future, nO MORE. :-/
Today I got back an incomplete assignment for math and I quickly did the problems I didn't do before and then I crumpled and ripped the paper and told her I found it in my backpack and I had done those problems separately with my tutor. I'm such a little devil. Haha.
Time to go.
I want so badly to believe,
that there is truth, that love is real
And I want life in every word,
to the extent that it's absurd...
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| i saw mommy kissing santa claus |
[30 Nov 2004|11:24pm] |
i feel so spoiled. i don't want to sound spoiled. but i'm pissed off. because we didn't order online presents tonight. i don't care really, i just don't want what i want to become out of stock. i need to order from delia's.com, forever21.com, vans.com, and urbanoutfitters.com, so yeah. TOMORROW FOR SURE.
Tonight was my dad's birthday. He was happy with his presents so that good.
I feel sick. It sucks. My nose is constantly running, my lips are chapped like crazy, and my throat hurts. I slept from 4-8. :( I had a plan to go running today too.
Anyways. Laguna Beach tonight made me sad. As much as she bothers me, Kristen and Stephen are so adorable together. I really want something like that. I want to leave high school with a cute relationship that I have to worry about.
So break was good. But it sucks. Every time my brother comes home I get used to having him here. Then every time he leaves it feels like the first time again. With me not being used to being alone, not being acustomed to the quietness, and wondering why I feel like such an only child. No worries though, 'cause he'll be back in three weeks. Yay. Anyways, when he was here, he burned me tons of CD's that I *needed*. I got "Give Up"- the Postal Service. "Translatism"- Death Cab for Cutie, "Rump Shaker"- Suburban Legends, "Why Do They Rock So Hard?"- Reel Big Fish, some Led Zeppelin CD that I don't know the name of, Pepper- "Kona Town", Catch 22- "Dinosaur Sounds" and one more that I still have to listen to. TRES exciting.
Today was okay.
I want everyone who reads this to respond to my poll:
-Stay in Advanced Algebra 2 and get B with NO EXTRA GRADE POINT and have a 4.0, but stay on the math track to take HP Pre-Calculus next year
-Transfer into Regular Algebra 2 and get an A and have a 4.1
it sucks. I love that class. me being one of five white girls and all. i really do love it though, with becka, leslie, and hannah. you guys tell me what to do.
anyways.
i FOUND MY CALCULATOR! IT ROCKS.
Speaking of academics, I am so happy. Because I got an A on my Piano Lesson Essay. That class was so hard in the beginning; I truly struggled. But now essays are not a big deal and I've improved. It made me feel happy.
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| je t'aime a la folie |
[27 Nov 2004|10:23pm] |
today was an ick day.
i lost a 108 dollar calculator...so I owe a lot of money. And it was extremely stressful wasting four hours of my day over it.
Then...online everyone was bothering me. Everyone was either totally wrapped up in themselves or flinging constant reminders at me that I'm no longer in their lives. That I'm the one excluded. And all I can do is sit and wonder when and why this happened...even though I'm kind of apathetic. But even with apathy, I still get hurt. I'm pissed off too. If the situation were reversed...I would be getting bitched at. Do people even care about me anymore? Do you even consider us friends? Why do you have to point out that you love everyone more than me?
There is one person though who's being really nice to me.
It started off today when I saw a cute away message that was about me.
And she's being nice to me now too. I love her. <3
Je t'aime a la folie. La nom de c'entry c'est a la toi, n'est pas?
My brother's here. It's quite nice. I miss him. I felt bad though because today he was here and I had a big mental breakdown and he was probably feeling so glad that he's leaving tomorrow. Nobody in my family wants to deal with me.
Man, sometimes I fricking hate my live journal. Because nothing's a secret about my life...I could choose not to write about things, but that's much too difficult.
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| are you ready to be liberated? |
[27 Nov 2004|01:57pm] |
today is proving to be a very stressful day.
first of all, i have to finish my math project. that is difficult, mainly because i don't understand how to graph absolute value. :( And Becka still hasn't returned.
Secondly, I lost a calculator. Now that might not seem like a big deal, but this is a graphing calculator that cost $100. My mom is going to be so mad. I told her I just don't know where it is and she's already freaking out. If I can't find it...oh man. I also need to find it soon so I can do my math. The worst part is that I know I have it somewhere. I hate that feeling. Almost as much as I hate just having a thought slip away and not being able to remember it.
ahh daddy's home
gotta do homework.
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